Planning Ahead

What I've heard is that When people make plans, God laughs.

In that case, God must be having a pretty good time with me.

I've realized that at this time last year, what i had in mind, where i though i would be now was very different.

i was hoping that my one year contract with possibility of extension would become two. Instead, I'm writing/ reviewing/ re-writing a cover letter, which i am almost afraid to send.

Also, I had the possibility in my head that if all went well, i would be looking for a cozy apartment for two. Not I, we. Well, that went wrong.

So, what now? Is there even a point in planning anything? Live moves fast. Accurately far away from where i thought i would be.

Some days, i enjoy the ride. Some others, i hardly find the motive to do.. anything really.

People i love dearly are in a position similar to mine. Which is ironic. Cause we both go with the ''do as i say, not as i do'' principle. Cheer up-even if i'm in the same place and feel like crap. So we've just agreed to hold on to each other until things get better. I'll be pulling her up and she'll be pulling me until things calm down.

(My dreams have been shit these days. Except the other night. I say that i was at the beach. With my family. At an exotic country. i was trying surfing and then i was at this jungle-like place with a man. We were sitting somewhere waiting for a ride or something. There were families as well. I'm not sure if i was calm during the dream or anxious---I hate not remembering my dreams)


So.. plans?

• Trying to remember each day the positive aspects of my life. My family (even from a genetics point of view one cannot be born in this family without craziness-it runs in both sides). My friends. And health. Of all the above and most of the people that are close to me. 
• Sending as much CVs possible to as many companies possible.
• Putting my life in an order. 
• Finding me. Which might be the most difficult of all. Defining myself after so many years of being ''the other half'' is going to be...challenging. Not caving into being ''the other half'' of someone else just because its easier is going to be hard as well. 
• Reading more now that i have the time. Something I've already started with- i think it helps with the dreams. 
• Write more at the blog. So that i remember the stages that I've been through at this time. Cause at some point things are going to get better. And then they'll probably go sour again. And at that point, i'll need to see that they are going to get better again. 

And my resolution of 2012- the first bullet point. Each day, write down one positive thing or something that i'm grateful for. I do my best to do this mentally, but i do want to see all 365 at the end of the year.

I hope i don't end up doing some stand-up comedy for God again.